For young Syrians in Germany finding a suitable life partner is a pressing challenge.
At first glance, Syrian social customs and traditions appear to play a role in this challenge, and impacting on young people’s dreams even in countries of asylum. However, changes in customs and traditions has made many people reluctant to marry or to choose crooked paths.
Speaking to Eqtsad, Jihad, 24, a Syrian young man who has been in Germany for about eighteen months explained why he cannot marry saying, “Syrian women in Germany have impossible conditions.”
Jihad explained that after arriving in Germany, which guarantees women rights they only dreamt of in their country such as financial independence and the freedom of association, “They are no longer satisfied with anything.”
Jihad said he would prefer to put off marrying for the time being until he has established a house alone and found a job that will pay him enough so he will not have to depend on the German state assistance. He plans to marry from outside of Germany in the future and bring his wife over through family reunification processes.
Commenting about the difficulty of achieving all these things, he said with sadness and regret, “This is very difficult. It appears I will marry an old man.”
Parental Demands
Regarding parents’ views and outlook on marriage, Fouad said these have changed with the change in society. He commented that everyone only thinks about money now, securing a decent life, and children’s futures. He complained that for parents’ their daughters’ marriages are secondary unless the marriage brings in money.
Unlike Jihad, Fouad found a Syrian woman he loved and who loved him. When he asked her father for her hand in marriage as custom dictates, he returned sad as her father “wants 5000 Euros as a dowry for his daughter.” The bride’s father also demanded that his daughters’ bank card remains with him. Fouad explained, “the card is the means through which refugees receive a monthly sum from the German government.”
The love affair is months old, and Fouad never married. According to his friends he become a steady customer of sex workers and brothels which are readily available in the west.
Marrying a German
For many of the young refugee men in Germany, marrying and establishing a family remains a key dream.
While some are still waiting for the opportunity to build their small family, Othman (an alias) managed to realize his dream after a long but different journey.
Othman (23) separated from his fiancé a few months after arriving in Germany due to, “her and her family’s impossible demands from a house, gold and expenses which I cannot meet,” according to Othman. He is still residing in a German asylum center making their demands unrealistic.
He continued, “After breaking off my engagement, I met a German woman online who loved me a lot, and I liked her. Without hesitation, I proposed to her and she agreed.”
The woman Othman is now in a relationship with is 42, and divorced and has a child. Othman was happy to marry her as during the marriage contract she said, “I want nothing. You are my gift. No money and no house.”
When the notary insisted on registering something in the marriage contract as required by Islamic law, the wife said, “50 Euros moukadam (offered) and 50 Euros mouakhar (paid in case of divorce) as her dowry."
Othman is still living in an asylum center and his wife lives in her house. He frequents her home and sleeps there are is normal within the context of their marital relationship and legal marriage.
Othman does not live in his wife's house because of her daughter's presence in the house, but he is not comfortable with the marriage and the way he is living. He said, “I was forced into this marriage, their habits are different to ours, their way of thinking different… how I wish I had married one of my countrywomen
